Who's in control?

For over a year, I have debated in my mind and with Nick whether or not we should and would have another child.  We had always said we wanted three but sometime during Bennett's first year, Nick said he wasn't set on three anymore.  So if you know me at all, you know that this uncertainty drove me crazy.  I am a planner.  I am a planner.  I am a PLANNER.  And while this third child we both dreamed of previously was never going to be an Irish twin (born within a year) of Bennett's, I had still planned he/she would arrive sometime in our future.  We talked about it many times and neither of us knew how to make the decision.  There was the rational way about it taking into account finances (loans, private school costs, etc. etc. etc.), logistics (car, bedrooms, etc.), and what we wanted for our family.  Then there was the somewhat irrational way of talking about it and I only say irrational because there wasn't anything specific backing up us "wanting" another child, we just wanted them.

During this last year, I kept thinking of advice I had given friends and friends had given me.  If you're unsure, you should go for it.  In twenty years, you will never look at that child and regret them.  But if you don't, you may regret not trying.  I also had a friend tell me she knew her family wasn't complete.  She always felt like someone was missing until she had another baby.  I wasn't sure if my wanting to have another child was the same as feeling like someone was missing.  Since our first two were kind of far apart at four years, we didn't want to wait and have another four year or even three year gap.  Bennett just turned two so that meant we were theoretically running out of time.  After realizing, we were never going to rationally and absolutely come to a decision, we decided it was time to let go of our control and planning (yes, I was able to do that and it was even my idea!), and leave it up to God.

So today, on July 12th, 2013, I type this through tears of joy and anticipation (and a little anxiety of course) because I am 4 weeks and 3 days PREGNANT!  I am due March 18, 2014...yes you read that right, March not May in case you're thinking of the same joke Nick made when I told him ha!  Our hearts are full and my cup runneth over.  Thank you God for another beautiful miracle and choosing me to be a Mama all over again.